All You Need is BASS

Testing Yourself for the Festival Season

So it is time to get ready for festival season! I bet you are pretty excited aren’t you? Well hold on there Party Pants – you’re a long way from being prepared for all this fun. Lets take a few minutes and run through a few tests we’ve outlined to prepare your brain and body for a marathon of awesome.

credit: meaganpru

#1: The Lineup:

With as many friends as you can fit into your car, hit up a long drive-through line. Roll down your windows and blast your tunes. Then get out and walk the line.  Your goal is to make friends with as many people from the other cars as possible.  Don’t forget to have someone run back to the car each time the line moves forward.

Score: 1 point for every new best friend you make.

#2: Dehydration:

Alternate between dancing and sitting in a dry sauna while consuming large quantities of varying types of booze. Once sufficiently drunk and dehydrated try to complete complex tasks like having a conversation, or tying your shoe laces.

Score: 1 point for every 1 hour of consciousness.

credit: Novus Photography

#3: Camping:

Pack up all your festival camping gear into your car and set it up in a park. Proceed to walk to a party 20 minutes away. Once at the party, realize you have forgotten something and go back to your camp site. Once there, throw everything around franticly while trying to find your favorite hat. Leave again, and repeat no less than 10 time throughout the course of the weekend. On Sunday night go out and party hard, don’t sleep at all and come back Monday morning to begin packing up the chaos of campsite you created.

Score: 1 point for every item you do not break or lose

5 bonus points if you pass out with your feet sticking out of the tent while searching for a lost item.

#4: Outhouses:

Find the closest outhouse (constructions sites work nice) and only use this for your business for an entire weekend. Bring a sharpie with you and write “clever” sayings on the inside. Use up all the toilet paper and forget to bring some with you.

Score: 1 point for every successful trip

credit: Novus Photography

#5: Crowds:

Go to a sold out local bass music event and hit the packed dance floor. Brush up against as many sweaty people as you can. Step on peoples toes, bump into people, try to cross the dance floor without spilling your drink.

Score: 1 point for every ounce of foreign liquid soaked into your clothes.

3 bonus points if you are able to navigate the dance floor without spilling your drink.

5 bonus points if you try searching for “something” on the ground and you can get the entire dance floor looking!

credit: Novus Photography

#6: Vendors:

Make a grilled cheese sandwich and drink 1 bottle of water and then with your lighter burn $15.

Score: -1 point for burning your money

 

#7: Sleep:

After going out to a show, arrange for a random dance party to begin outside your bedroom door 1 hour after retiring to bed. Repeat for 3 days.

Score: 1 point for every hour you sleep.

5 bonus points awarded for not succumbing to a fit of rage.

credit: Novus Photography

#8: Friends

Arrange for all those friends you haven’t seen in a long time to come over and get hammered. Put in earplugs and turn up the music as loud as it goes. Now, try your best to hear each other while you catch up and have deep intense conversations about the answers to the universe.

Score: -1 point for each word you didn’t hear.

100 bonus points if you actually solve the the answer the universe and remember it.

#9: Normalizing To Real World:

Why would you want to do that?

Score: -5 points for even attempting

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About author

Heather

She is one of the four key AYNiB officials.

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