All You Need is BASS

Glow Stick Chronicles: Jake’s First Burn


The story you’re about to read is true – the names have been changed to protect the “innocent”. Burning Man can be a powerful experience for most and for one of our friends it was a simply orgasmic.

It had been Jake’s first Burn. Wide-eyed and open to the whole experience he had embraced everything that Burning Man had to offer. Classes in energy work, yoga, music, you name it Jake was into it. Unphased the whole week he met new friends, shared himself freely and rocked the event like a champ. I am happy that Jake is a good person because he is the sort of guy that can lead a person down a path of positive self-discovery or start a UFO cult and convince people to drink sleepy time Kool-Aid.

The night of the burn is always chaotic. This year, a dust storm has ravaged Black Rock City for the entire afternoon and the winds had prevented the Man from burning on time. By the time 9PM had rolled around the tension to get the party started was palatable. We were all getting very impatient to burn the fucker to the ground, so the group of us decided that we should brave the storm and venture out onto the playa to play in the dust storm.

Burning Man 2008 Fire Ball

The winds subsided as we reached the fire perimeter. We were nearly the first people there and when we turned around an army of party people marching out towards the man greeted us. It seemed like no time at all before the man busted into flames with a fireball Oppenheimer would have marveled at. I looked over at Jake and he looked like he was having the time of his life. We were now on our feet cheering as the burning effigy collapsed in on its own weight. The crowd surged past us as the fire marshals gave the ‘all clear’.

Gasping and quivering he stood there hunched over with his hands still up in the air. His mouth agape making quieted grunting sounds.

“Um, are you ok?”

There was no response. He could only make gurgling sounds of pleasure.

“Hey Jake, are you ok?”

“Blenny … Grlet … Blenny.”

I pieced together that he was asking for me to get our friend Lenny. You see, in our group of friends Lenny is our armchair shaman, and resident fixer of these types of problems. This was right up his alley.

“Uhh – Jake is having ‘spirit people’ problems.”


“Go look – he’s um – having an issue.”

credit: John Curley

credit: John Curley

Lenny looked over at Jake; he stood there still unable to communicate while Heather and her sister danced around him gleefully. Lenny and I walked over to Jake who was now shaking so hard that I actually thought that he might be having a seizure.

“Do you want to help with this?” he asked.

“No, I think I’ll hang out on the sidelines for this. Let me know if you need me to get you a mop or something.”

“Right, leave no trace.”

Lenny put his hand on Jake’s shoulder and provided the emotional/corporeal/metaphysical grounding that he needed. What ever it was that Lenny did, I’ve never watched anything quite like it. For the next few minutes they shared something. What that something is, I am not sure but it sure was something. Truthfully, I was surprised that in this context, watching one man hold another while he convulsed in powerful orgasm didn’t have a more homoerotic undertone – or at least that is my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Suddenly, it was over just like that. Jake just stood up straight, turned away from Lenny and skipped away in the dust exclaiming, “I just got reborn, I just got reborn!”

I just got reborn? What the hell do you say to that? Its not like Hallmark has a card that says “Congratulations on your 5-minute tantric orgasm while watching the Man burn.” Or does it? I haven’t checked, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.

I’m not sure if I was disturbed, impressed or just jealous. I think it was probably a 20/30/50 mix – though I’ll let you decide which number goes with which feeling. All joking aside – you know you’re doing Burning Man up right when you have a 5-minute tantric orgasm in front of thousands of oblivious people.

So, if you’re ever booting around on the Playa and you happen to meet someone named T.O. give them a little nod and a fist pump and if you’re lucky he may just teach you the tantric art of burning the Man.

Want more Glow Stick Chronicles?  Check them out here. 


About author


Alex is the Editor in Chief and one the founders at All You Need is Bass, and is one of the primary contributors. He is a man of many different hats and musical tastes - plus he looks just smashing in a vest!

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